Two events in American politics in early May, 2022, have clarified what many of us have been lamenting for years. These were the victory of the Trump-endorsed candidate in the Republican primary in Ohio followed by the leak to Politico of Justice Alito’s draft of a likely Supreme Court decision outlawing abortion.
Both events constitute an early stage in a process still incomplete; J.D. Vance hasn’t yet been elected to the Senate, and the Supreme Court will not confirm the draft decision until June. Nevertheless, it should be clear to all of us that the most serious political polarization in America since 1860 is not about to go away—regardless of who we elect to Congress in 2022, or President of the United States in 2024.
It also appears clear to me that there are two possible responses to this situation. Each side can maintain and even exult in the righteousness of its position, claiming that God (or maybe just the power of money) is on its side, and continue the fight to overthrow its “enemies” OR both sides can over time (and it will take some time) make an effort to find what little common ground might remain—and in doing so save our democracy.
The second choice is the best one. However, to move in this direction we must deny the inevitability of polarization and the ultimate victory of one side or the other in this political conflict fed largely by human-centered arrogance and ego.
It certainly will not be easy to make that second choice. Indeed, it seems contrary to what many of us have been taught was our “original sin,” inherited from Adam, inclining us to do evil; this ideas was amusingly portrayed by Flip Wilson comment in his early 1970s TV show: “The Devil made me do it!”
Yet who among us wants to say that there can never be a middle or common ground? Don’t we all yearn for peace and harmony, even if that means that none of us gets all of what we want? This requires that we learn how to talk calmly and respectfully with political opponents.
With the help of a life-long friend who served 9 years in the Iowa House of Representatives, I offer the following suggestions on how to talk politics with others calmly while allowing all to “disagree without being disagreeable.”
- Begin your conversation with something non-controversial, even the weather, and commit to speaking calmly without becoming riled or defensive, neither of which help;
- Ask questions instead of making pronouncements; when discussing something you both agree is a problem, ask “well, how would you fix it?” and listen to the answer;
- Then offer your solution to how you might “fix” the problem or address the issue, perhaps in the process even admitting that “your side” might have made some mistakes along the way;
- When possible, start your discussion with a local or regional issue, because both you and your partner will be more informed about the matter and thus less likely to offer answers taken from your “tribal” group’s playbook;
- As the conversation proceeds, be careful to seek common agreement on the meaning of terms, and in this way avoid “boilerplate” or “sound bite” answers common among politicians;
- Maintain your sense of humor throughout; find reasons to laugh as often as possible;
- Politely walk away if you must, but resist leaving with a middle-finger salute.
Of course, none of these suggestions are worth much unless you and your partner in conversation are open to changing your minds about an issue if confronted with a reasonable argument supported by evidence.
There is much at stake here. The political issues alone go to the core of what we want to be as a country, politically and morally. Beyond that, we face the earth-shattering challenge of a changing climate that could result in several decades in the loss of billions of human lives, as well as a complete reshaping of all life on our planet.
Can we afford to continue on our current polarized paths? That may be a question we will only have a decade or so to address.